Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Every single year people ask me if I'm going to try out for American Idol, and every year I tell them "no way". I have put singing on the back burner for so long that I feel extremely self concious. I realize I probably left singing for acting because I get to hide behind a character. I'm sick of hiding. I admire people who have the courage to do things other people would never dare to do. People who dare to be criticized on National Television are my heroes!
I have the same vocal coach as David Archuleta and Carmen Rasmusen of American Idol and every time I go in for a lesson I am given good feedback from someone who knows what he's talking about, but for some reason when I get infront of an audience I freeze up and my voice just doesn't do what it does when I'm practicing. It's VERY frusterating and something I DESPERATELY want to overcome. It's hard for me to believe I have a good voice even if people tell me I do. I love to sing, but it breaks my heart when I'm criticized. When somebody rejects your voice it's like they are rejecting the deepest part of who you are.
Carmen was terribly criticized and has to endure people mocking her privately and publicly all the time. I don't know how she does it. People can be so cruel and forget that we all have dreams, we all have insecurities, we all make mistakes, and none of us are perfect. It's not about having the best voice that I respect, it's about having the courage to pursue your dreams, to do what you love even if you will be criticized for it. I think part of my problem is that I've been in WAY too many competitions through out my life so I always feel like I'm being judged rather than people just enjoying the music. If any of my children like to sing I'll help them develop their talent, but I won't push them to be in competitions unless they ask for it themselves. It's going to take a lot for me to get over this!