It's 10:48pm. I told myself I would NOT start blogging or do anything on the computer to distract (or feed for that matter) my insomnia that usually starts about this time. Epic fail, right?
Tonight I'm thinking it's not as big of a fail as it seems. You see, usually when I revert to blogging it's because I'm impulsively saying something that 99% of the time I regret saying later. And that's why I told myself I wouldn't do it. But tonight, I've actually given a little thought about what it is I want to express. I've learned that thinking through things before doing them is usually a good idea, it just takes more work and that's why it's so easy not to do.
Ever since I was twelve years old, journal writing became my outlet. Some people turn to alcohol and become alcoholics, others turn to exercise or work and become exercise or workaholics. I guess I became a journal aholic.
The thing about my journals is they are uncensored and unedited. Sometimes I wonder if having an uncensored journal is any healthier for ones posterity than being an alcoholic is.
Either way, people need outlets, and they always find them, whether they are healthy outlets or not. I've found it particularly interesting that creative people are most prone to needing outlets or they become depressed and anxious. Furthermore, I find it most interesting that a very common link amongst many creative people is insomnia.
I'm not saying that I suffer from insomnia because I have a creative mind, I'm saying that I suffer with insomnia because I have a mind that's creative...
That's my attempt at making a joke. I know I'm creative because I create. My problem is I haven't learned how to effectively channel that creativity.
The truth is everyone is creative, some people just literally can't turn the creativity off. They are always creating. They can become so desperate to quiet their minds that they are more prone to mental illnesses and destructive behavior if they let it get the better of them.
For me, I feel that the only thing that has kept me from losing control of my life is my faith in God and the support of my close friends and family.
I've realized that I need to stop holding myself back and really allow myself to create. I have a responsibility just like everyone else to make the most of my life with the talents that I've been given and choose how I will use them as well as choosing the kind of person I want to be and character I want to have.
Just to prove to myself that I'm trying to improve my character, I'm going to wait to post this entry until tomorrow to make sure it is still something I want to do after the 'jekyll and hyde' phase is over.
In short, a creative mind must become disciplined, or it becomes a curse rather than a blessing.